I wanted to read this story because of the title. We never know what hell others are going through. Not many are as brave as you to say it. Yet you speak for many who lost their voice, are afraid to say how they really feel, etc. I pray this crushing feeling will ease and leave you. I setimes feel the same and have had some very distressing things to deal with, which were covered up and no one would believe it. I don't necessarily keep it to myself but don't talk about it either. So I understand your feelings and wish you very well amd happier times.