It's wonderful how you saw through your own self hate as many don't or are in denial if they feel that. Self hate can manifest in many different ways but you've drawn great conclusions in this story. It is hard to hate someone you want to help, that is assuming that the help someone wants to give is real and genuine. If it's not or a projection of criticisms etc, then it's not really helpful and you need to fall back on your own resources to be your own best friend. Nobody is perfect however and genuine people always try to solve their issues and right their faults, and that may involve setting very firm boundaries to make sure that they love and not hate themselves. Self hate can be difficult to recognise in oneself also, as we don't want to think we might hate ourselves, so it's very important to look at other people who have influenced our lives, like your mother and anyone who may (even unintentionally) be hypercritical and just make you feel like a bad person. The accumulation of that can take a very big toil and it's necessary to distance yourself from relationships like that.

It's often said also that those who hate others hate themselves even more, and I believe there is an element of truth in that, as they project those unwanted feelings they have about hating themselves onto others. It's only when we stand back and look at the overall picture of our lives, relationships etc with absolute honesty that we can emerge much stronger and able to love ourselves for who we really are. It's thing you must be determined to do. I'm not young by any means and it's only in my later years of life and recently I've started really accepting myself for who I am and faults I have, rather than rely on others to do so, especially if it's not genuine. I think just being very self-aware and monitoring yourself and interactions with others, also how that makes you feel and taking action to curtail negative influences.