This is profound insight. Many people don't even know they are desperate in the first place, let alone deal with it. Admitting you are desperate requires a certain kind of courage, as it's not ego-driven and you have to confront your level of self-esteem. But to fail to do so has even worse dire consequences and the likelihood of attracting desperate people into your life that are no good for you. I don't think I get what I deserve, and could've done far better, and still have a victim mentality at times. I think I also attract people who exploit vulnerability and those they think have lower self-esteem or self-worth. Then I not only get what I deserve but things I don't deserve. It's very important to be honest with oneself and stand back from your circumstances, whatever they may be, including psychological vulnerability. You've written a good story with many important themes. You have all the right attitudes and many don't have these insights or have got used to being desperate so much they no longer notice how they attract bad luck in their lives and people who exploit them.