This is wonderful writing and makes sense that your energy was controlled when growing up and you are now discovering a different kind of energy that only you are in control of. Being a false extrovert certainly takes a toil and I am sure many fall into a trap like that too. I always believed I was extroverted and a few years ago did DNA test and Personality Traits and looked on other sites and I came up twice as extrovert but didn't really feel I was. Then my traits changed and one day I saw I was an Introvert, supposedly from my mothers side, who I never met but believe she was very quiet and it would make sense. I think we are both introvert and extrovert but probably one more than the other. I know I am happiest when connected to my inner self, and that brings out the best in me, rather than trying to fake being an extrovert.