Yes I can relate to this. It's like someone has other plans for your life. Feels like being an alien in outer space. What perplexes me is why it's so god damn difficult to cut ties with people who are incredibly toxic. I think we have to be "ready" to do so. Like if we expose ourselves enough to the asbestos it will either kills us or make us stronger. Then the decision to cut off is easier, as its based on rationality. Often toxic relations defy rationality by their nature.