Yes, some kind of transformation is needed. I wish I could move countries as there are many disturbing issues in Ireland. The healthcare system itself is awful and is means tested unlike NHS in UK. There is a lot I don't like about living in my own country and returning to an area I lived in has been very difficult. The culture in Ireland can be very oppressive, especially for older people like me, and even expressing one's feelings is a risk. I've had many situatins, particulaly recently before xmas, where speaking out, I was shut down and gaslighted and it's been happening since before I moved, with the HA I rent from. I thought the issues were resolved before I moved but since all that happened before Christmas, I realise I am trapped in a system of abuse.

My relationship with my own country is similar to that of an abusive partner. I've read someone writing a similar story on Medium a few months ago and I was awed by the sentiments and I can see the similarities, and how 'systematic abuse' is rampant and extends across different aspect of one's life. I would be great to make the changes I talk about but I can't just walk myself into a dire situation like homelessness at my age. However, I can do things on my terms and not tolerate abuse. I can refuse to be shut up and shut down and take the risks involved in not conforming to toxc situations. The problem is some organisations and people I've encounter hate it when I speak my mind. It makes me uncontrollable and that's what I want to be, as I dont want anyone controlling my life. So I think I can onl live in my country on my terms, otherwise I rather leave. I think being away over xmas has toughened me up even more and I ready to take on this challenge in the new year. Anyone who tries to control or abuse me is in for a shock. I am going to speak out more than ever in 2025 and NOT hide my feelings. Loosing my voice and feelings is the biggest threat and risk for me in 2025. I won't give in to toxic people.